I don’t want to face this difficulty.. challenge.. whatever it is. I just want to read the book, watch the drama series, eat my ice cream, curl up in bed.
I know how attractive it is to turn away.
Before I have the resources to practice facing my anxiety and fears, using pleasures to cope was the most logical and accessible choice. This was the only way I knew how to live.
One of my biggest unexpected ‘gains’ from mindfulness practice is Courage
It was unexpected because I had never believed or imagined myself to be courageous. It was not something that I aimed for. There was a warrior or fighting energy that I associated with courage, and I have never seen myself as much of a fighter. Going with the flow felt and still feels less tiring.
It was part of the journey to learn that courage comes in all forms. Gentle, compassionate, unintentional, a leap of faith.
Courage doesn’t arise from the practice itself
Courage arises from the space and ease that we intentionally cultivate during the practice to house our anxiety and fears. I did not know that when you create spaces, you can get more than what you ask for. In mindfulness practices, it is common for us to be guided with these little reminders –
‘Whatever is here, it’s here now.
I can sit with it. It’s ok.
I can breathe with it. It’s ok.
I don’t have to like it. But it’s already here now.
So let me sit with it.’
Strangely, what used to feel triggering, upsetting, annoying or frustrating feels a little more manageable, a little less jarring. The mind learns to sit and not react immediately.
Through this gentle attitude imbued in various mindfulness practices, the mind gradually sees the possibility of ‘surviving’ our inner waves, and accidental courage is found.
Courage does not eliminate your struggles and pain
The fear does not stop, but you now know how you can create a space to hold the relentless waves of depression, shame or agitation. Hence, there is less resistance or fear towards these emotions. And they will emerge sooner or later. This opening to your own pain is key to courage. Courage is opening to the possibility of being hurt, injured, attacked, judged and hated.
Then why would I want courage?
Running away feels more attractive!
Because there is also joy, compassion, peace and love to be experienced. Because there are dreams worth living. People worth loving. Obstacles and conflicts worth overcoming. As cliché as it sounds, things that are worthwhile comes with its fair share of difficulties and challenges.
Each time I close my eyes and sit, I am teasing out a little gentle courage –
To embrace all that is difficult and all of me in this moment. Why gentle? Because this courage doesn’t send you flying into action; it comes with a sense of patience, steadiness and faith. That it’s ok to run the marathon at your own time.
Maybe holding this helps too –
You need not be courageous all the time.
This moment will do.
