Angel and Devil. One right? One wrong?
My righteous angel is my inner compass to do the right thing for many years.
‘What kind of yoga teacher eats so much?’
‘When people find out that your anxiety is so bad, you are never gonna teach mindfulness to anyone. You better practice what you preach.’
‘You think no one knows that you are pretending/lying. Might as well own up now!’
While the resultant behaviour seems right – I eat healthier, I practice more regularly, I tell the truth.
But the soul feels very battered and tired.
“Wouldn’t it be nice to do something out of sheer joy and love,
and not because of fear and righteousness?”
The fear of my own shame and judgements.
I began to be more aware of the tonality of my inner voice when I started to teach yoga and mindfulness very regularly. I realised because I somehow naturally spoke to my students with kindness and compassion, and encouraged them to be so, it was easier for me to notice the contrast. It was also easier to shift and learn, to learn from what I was actually doing for others. It was a strange feeling to learn from myself, especially when the voice of self-doubt was so loud.
I remind myself; I can co-exist with my self-righteous angel and still learn something different at the same time. I can name and honour her because she has helped me survive well for many years. Meanwhile, I can learn a different tone of voice.
A compassionate and gentle one.