Recently my daughter reminded me of this incident that happened almost 2 years ago. I sensed that this is important to her and it left a lasting impression. Coincidentally it also showed up on my Facebook memories. I guess it’s worthwhile to share it again to remind all of us, parents.. all adult human beings, that the opportunity to drop into radical compassion is always right here.
Copied from my FaceBook Post:
Exam crunching time always means some level of resistance and struggles.
Just now.. We were both not in the mood. She gave me the foul face.. And I was just going into avoidance mode.
Me: ‘I think we take a break.. U go manage your energy a bit. You obviously not in the mood.’
Girl sits down firmly scowling but not moving.
My inside screams.. This is not my exam! And I don’t need to do this at all! No need to bear with this bad attitude!
I took some moments to breathe and observe her and I finally said –
‘I have an important question for u.
Why do u try so hard?’
The girl, in midst of her sourness, was confused, ‘What do u mean?’
‘You obviously don’t look like this is your first choice of activity.. And I gave u the chance to go but u stay. Why? Why do u try so hard to stay?’
It completely shifted the dynamics and energy in the room.. Her face soften, and I think in that moment we could both let go of the tension a little.
We went on to talk a little about what she felt was important to her and kept her going in school.
I guess what I am saying is – Watch closely when your child (or any of your other loved ones) is also suffering, rather than judge them as uninterested or bad or naughty.
A little compassion for the journey.. To relieve the tension of chasing the outcome.
Don't let the focus on the outcome or the negativity blind us from seeing the possibility of intimacy.
To see that there is no you versus me.
Just us.
Breathe and Sense.
