There is an extremely feminine and sensual side of me
that is vulnerable to show.
There is also a wild womanly side of me
that felt impossible to flow.
My whole life
good, intellectual, rational, and packaged.
I long to tear everything down.
I long to shred this self to pieces.
Yet it felt so safe
“No! Tear it down!”
“Act on this!”
The masculine and aggressive prevails habitually
even when the feminine seeks to reveal itself
We were told we are not allowed to be __________
whatever that might be
Even more so if everybody else in the community
seems to believe so
Even more so if no one else
have tried to show you so
Yet I think it’s important to ask
if you see it frequently enough in your dreams
What exactly will happen if I actually am __________?
whatever that might be
Your mind might seize
Your body might freeze
But the body and mind do not know
what it does not know
Put that foot forward
speak the word
Whatever could happen
It might blow up in your face or it might blow your mind
However intense or tough or difficult
thread the path
How can I be gentle with something so…
Coarse and unrefined
Clumsy and uncertain
It wouldn’t be graceful
in fact, it’s extremely awkward, but still
Gently I sit
Gently I walk
Angst and awkwardness
still wreaking havoc within
Gently I watch
Gently I breathe
Maybe the beauty of the feminine is that
all are gently allowed
Be it the fierce and wild
Or the vulnerable and tamed
Neither clung to nor avoided
Neither desired nor rejected
For the feminine seeks to dance
not reject nor destroy
The dance of moving forward
and also allowing
It has always been one and together
there is no one or the other
Imperfect it might be
Perfect as life may be
A dance… A play… A union
Courageously and gently it shall be
I am dedicating this little piece to anyone who is struggling to surface and open themselves to a hidden part of themselves. The self that has been rejected by the self, by the community, society, and many times, our family. It takes courage to cross the infinite hurdles. Mostly, it takes courage to swim in the debilitating fear and anxiety of venturing into the unknown.
Yet also a reminder to those that sometimes fixate on the masculine of wanting to assert, to fight for that part of us. It leaves us feeling exhausted, burnt out, and wondering if any of this is worthwhile… It is worthwhile, but in these moments, it might be wiser to take out the fire and soften. Soften, go gentle… because the soul and spirit replenish in loving spaces. We are not doing any of this out of bitterness and resentment, we have to remind ourselves we are doing it for love.