Consider this – Real change happens from where reality is.
I have begun to see clearly how conditional our dreams can be sometimes. There are things that we want to do in life, and we search endlessly for someone or some courses to reveal to us the path to take. Most of us have an idea of what we want – that book we want to write, the business we want to start, the time we want to spend with our family, the people we want to help, the enlightened peace we want to feel.
We search on Google, social media and books for the answers. Yet many times we don’t see clearly what our questions are?
I realise that when people ask ‘how do you do this?’, the question is usually much more than that. But because it’s never spoken, they never get the answers they want. For example:
‘Oh, you manage to do this because you are single?’
So your real question might be ‘How do you juggle doing this while taking care of your family?’
‘Oh, you manage to do this because you didn’t need to work.’
Real question might be, ‘How can I do this without quitting my job?’
‘You have such good support, so it doesn’t matter that you fail.’
Maybe you should ask, ‘How do I handle my fear of failure?’
If you don’t ask the real questions, you don’t get the real answers
Our unique circumstances and inner experiences are valuable, but without acknowledging them clearly means that we might become resentful and lost at what we are looking for. We lost the possibilities of asking the right people, or we go around looking for reasons to justify why we should not do it. I found that what we are really avoiding is mostly to be able to do something without the feelings of ‘fear’, ‘uncertainty’ or ‘loss’.
What are the conditions you attach to your dreams?
Begin to list them as values.
‘I value my family.’
‘I value the stability of my day job.’
‘I value where I am, where things are stable and predictable.’
Begin to see which value you won’t compromise and which might not even be true or that you are willing to challenge and learn to sit with. Cultivate the non-judgemental view of what is here. Cultivate kindness and compassion for yourself for it really might not be laziness or weakness.
Slow down – Meet you at where you are
The entire process requires you to pause, slow down and meet who you are in this moment. To be able to meet you at where you are at can feel vulnerable and sometimes painful. But maybe wise engagement can then truly begin – the journey can start from the space of where you are standing at. Not where others are, or where you ‘hope’ you are. Because..