Caveat: I was given permission by my kid to share this😉
As a mindfulness teacher, I can become attached to this expectation that I am able to engage the world in a wiser and more compassionate manner. And to be a wiser and more compassionate parent. A mindful parent is one that commits to healing their own triggers and raise a child to be equipped to raise wise and compassionate children themselves. Blah blah blah..
And yet, the moment I hear this from my girl, I have floods of judgements raining down on me.
‘What have I done wrong?’
‘All I have learnt is for nothing!’
‘How can MY daughter think this way?’
‘I am the one who has failed.’
‘I must fix this!’
Now, hold on. Here was where I paused.
If I had spent 10 years out of almost 40 years of my life on personal development, and I still go through this kind of thinking, sure my daughter is allowed to go through this as many times as she like!
This is when you maybe laugh a little at yourself.
And pause some more. Ask these questions.
Can I ever claim 100% responsibility for my child’s thoughts?
Can I ever protect them fully from their inner challenges?
How can they then own their challenges and difficulties?
How can I normalise these waves, and ups & downs as part of life and being human?
I guess ultimately, we have to embody these ideas. If we kick up a big fuss, it adds to their belief that downs are not supposed to happen. We can have the awareness to point out to them when they are feeling better, let them see that it comes and goes. Most importantly, we allow ourselves to feel and ride through our own ups & downs.
Eventually, I felt thankful and proud that our relationship had enough space and safety for this type of conversations to take place. Connection and safety are ultimately what we are all looking for.