Photo by Jukan Tateisi on Unsplash
Will the doubting ever stop?
When I decide that I can, it doesn’t mean that the voice of “I can’t” stops.
It doesn’t mean that the tightening in the throat, or the butterflies in the stomach stop.
The mind thrives on a dualistic mode. Yes and no, right and wrong, black and white. If it can perceive I can, it means it can perceive I can’t. Each interpretation comes with its respective stories, emotions, and sensations in the body.
Every single voice within us holds some function, e.g. protection, inspiration, judgement, reasoning, motivation etc. And some voices are purely fantastical and out-of-the-world; we have the ability to create something out of nothing with our mind. Our mind is magically creative and that’s not a bad thing.
Yet, it also means that we can’t hold everything it says too tightly.
Everything is just for reference.
In truth, we need both ‘I can’ and ‘I can’t’
Action makes the real difference in life. The most inspirational thoughts and stories without actions create a vacuum of emptiness. Without a tangible output, our physical existence will eventually suffer. However, sometimes you see the most creatively talented people succumb to depression. The type of idealistic possibilities they can create in their mind, is unable to find satisfaction in their actions because of the ideals and perfections they strive for.
Thus, in reality we need both the voices of ‘I can’ and ‘I can’t’.
I can take this step.
I can’t achieve the perfection I envision.
I can keep practicing anyway.
I can’t do this now. I need a rest.
I can when I am rested.
We take the step forward despite the many voices, many emotions, many sensations.
When our consciousness learn that we can choose to act in the midst of contrary voices and uncomfortable sensations, without kicking up a big fuss, we have befriended our being in all its grandness. We have understood the nature of our inner world. That our feelings and thoughts each serves its own functions; and they come and go on its own.
Instead of trying to fix the illusionary enemy of self-doubt, maybe the solution is to embrace it all.
We can take time to cultivate openness and space to hold these voices and energetic sensations in the body without being fixated on them, and just learning to be with them.
That’s the part of growing up that many of us skipped, yet it’s never too late to learn. Learning to be with our doubt, our anxiety, our shame, our guilt.
“I can!”
“I can’t!”
It really doesn’t matter.
Keep taking that step forward.
