I watched her on the train as we toured Switzerland and words came to me, which I scribbled on a loose paper. Gifted this to her as her birthday is approaching, and she gave me permission to post.
When you are alone, you are most at ease
If you are angry, you growl and snap
You really like to take your time, no hurry at all
Life is simple for you, there is no mask
The pretense and impatience of the world makes her mad
You have an intensity that drills inwards
A fire, when unleashed, burns down all shreds of life
The eyes, mostly, are deeply forbidding
And sometimes, you get lost in your own forbidden depth
In those times, I wish you could see you are not alone
Because somewhere along the way you got angry
Not just with the world but with yourself
You decided it’s best to not be seen to not get hurt
No one shall get too near
But lonely it shall get
It’s hard to touch you
Only by invitation
You have chosen this way
You have a strong defense… I get it
I wish you would let it down more
Just for me… maybe?
For anyone who might be curious about that depth
For anyone who desperately wants to love you
One day I hope you are touched and moved
Not by anyone, but by yourself
The openness and pure innocence that you were born from
One day I hope the strength you hone
is not to defend and protect yourself from the world
But let it be a sword that you proudly wield,
carved from the intense furnace you have put yourself through
The sharpest of swords are molded
from the melted softness of the strongest metals
Remember things that are too hard becomes brittle
It’s probably something we have to fall apart to learn
I can’t protect you from the pain of living life
Trust me I tried
And I realise…
that isn’t my job
My job is to love you as a flower…
As a warrior…
Strong or falling apart
As who you are
No matter what
And maybe one day may you love you
As a flower… As a warrior…
Strong or falling apart
As who you are
No matter what
Happy Birthday
I love you so much
For my child who is turning thirteen. Whom I watched with initial helplessness, eventually turned spacious surrender, as you transform from the most delicate freshly bloomed flower to a warrior, determined to not be hurt by this somewhat loud and insensitive world. I have no doubt it hurts within, despite your best intention to protect yourself. But I have no doubt you are doing your best too, learning and journeying at your own time and space. I am always here for you; be it joy or despair.
And also dedicated to all children and adults whose sensitivities are so delicate that they had no choice but to assume a warrior-like gusto to face the world, or risk being trampled and hurt. One day may you cultivate the courage to hold this immense innocence and emotional depth; it’s painful but it is also such a precious gift. One day may you realise the space to feel safe to open to your own delicate softness, and be able to love the self and others fully and completely.
Finally, to the lovers, friends, and parents who hold someone precious like this, open your heart through the fierceness, see the loyalty and innocence. Lean in gently with compassion, honesty and love when they are hiding behind their forts. Love them as they are, no matter what.
