Not Who Everyone Thinks You Are?

Photo by Crazy Cake on Unsplash

I am not who everyone thinks I am
Or I like to believe that

Predictability is boring
I like a little surprise sometimes

What’s difficult is that I run out of steam
Trying to be not what everyone thinks 

You are zen
No, I am hardly

You are nice
No, I am a b***h

You are confident
No, I am so scared

And I also run out of steam
Trying to be what everyone wants

Loving, kind and generous
Cheerful, approachable and present

I want to gag
I am not any of these at all

Somewhere deep within
knows none of these defines me

I am not trying to be modest or humble
It’s the genuine truth

A truth trying to reach me
But I can’t yet steadily grasp 

The truth is I am not anything you think at all
Neither am I anything I think I am at all

If I am constantly changing 
according to some reference point given by others

How am I ‘somebody’? 
How is there an ‘I’?

The depth of this awareness is boundless 
I can’t put it in words

I rest in my frustration
Knowing that is my mind trying too hard

To have a who to attach to
To have a who to show

So what do you hide from the world?
Thinking no one should see the real you.
Tantrums, jealousy, vulnerabilities, weaknesses? 
What if you are protecting nobody at all?

Or what do you strive to show the world?
Thinking no one should see the real you.

Denying the full human experience
Missing the point of it all

Be outrageous, audacious and fearless
Be scared, desperate and childish

Neither good nor bad they are 
A branch of the river that joins the whole

You can be anything and anyone
When one feels this in their core –

There is no I 
There is no self

The self — 

Hence life — 
wonderfully full 

To receive regular inspirations, and all things life-and-human, to deepen your own growth and practice.

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