Does it feel like moping around waiting for this –
A life changing moment.
The moment that will make everything smooth from now on.
The moment that will make everything easy from now on.
The moment that signals that I will be safe and stop proving anything forever more.
Some tried to find it through their careers
Some through their partners, or their children.
Through avid personal development courses
Or through the elusive enlightenment
Through spiritual endeavours.
I did have life changing moments.
I read a book in 2012 on Learned Optimism, and I understood from that moment that the way I worded my thoughts matters and lo-and-behold, I can ‘look’ at my thoughts.
I was holding my toe in a yoga pose in 2013, and I realised the pulling ache and tension in the toe had nothing to do with my ability to hold the rest of the body up. From then I understood the power of aversion and the misguided tendency to see sufferings as a whole blob.
I sat in a meditation practice and felt my pain deeply in 2014, then I understood and experienced the common humanity’s pain. It changed the view completely, and suddenly it was easier to practice non-judgement, empathy and compassion. At the same time, it also put me in a state of sadness for a long time until I focus on gaining insight on my experiences much later when I began to learn mindfulness in depth.
Hence none of these moments promises a smooth, easy or safe life forever more, although they did change how I live, what I pursue, what I value.
However, each moment continue to be…
in flux, uncertain, wild, and uncomfortable.
And that maybe it can truly become life changing when you accept the nature of what the moment is – in flux, uncertain, wild and uncomfortable.
I could obsess with wanting that perfect life changing moment, or I could focus on this moment.
This book I am reading.
This sitting here, feeling the breeze from the fan.
Listening in amazement at the change of tone and pitch as someone speaks to you.
In flux, uncertain, wild and uncomfortable.
And it’s ok.
That’s what matters.