I am afraid of my kind.
Mainly because I can sense the pain and needs beneath the nice and smiling faces. The longing to please, to support, to achieve, to plan, to take care, to win, to love.. all at once. The exhaustion and strife drain me. And I also have these needs. I find it mostly quite impossible to meet the never-ending demands of a woman beneath that kind and gentle smile.
We have been taught to be more masculine to be strong. We have been taught femininity and emotions are weaknesses. Hence, we try to be everything except ourselves.
There is simply nowhere to land and rest.
Stop, slow down, bask in the beauty of the world. Bask in the beauty of yourself.
Yet somewhere inside screams, “Never! There is too much at stake, to protect, to prove, to care for.”
Soften. Embrace the vulnerability of our soft feelings.
Be proud of who you are.
“But we get stepped on, objectified, tarnished when we are soft. It’s about survival!”
The collective women’s pain lingers everywhere like a dense cloak.
And it sickens me that it has come to this.
Truth be told, I do not yet know how it can be better.
But I vow to find ease in being the flawed woman that I know I am.
I can be still and silent; I can be boisterous and loud. Love when I want to; throw a punch when there is a need. Be the submissive wife; or put my foot down. Wear that soft flowy dress; Rock that power pants and shirt.
It’s not about what you choose to do, it’s about being at ease with your choices.
Not for anybody or anyone.
No right or wrong.
Not in constant care, serve, or ‘show-that-I-am-strong’ mode.
Ease.
I wish it’s not this way, but it’s a life-long challenge for many women.
It’s not about stop caring, stop worrying, or stop being strong.
It’s about rest.
Can you stop when you are tired?
Can you say no?
Can you be ok with your resting b***h face?
Take a moment every day.
Sit just for yourself. Even if it’s just one minute.
Imagine that I don’t need anything from anyone, and no one needs anything from me.
Just be. With ease.
Maybe that’s all it takes – that one minute to loosen that habitual entanglement.
And life might burst forth.
Or life might become quiet.
Life, where you are as you are, loved and accepted.
